But this scene was just ugly, and obvious, and witless, and put me in a bad mood for the rest of the movie. I dunno, maybe I just have an axe up my own ass. So there are lots of boobs for the sake of boobs, and more gore than you can shake a stick covered in gore at! He's just making the sex = death metaphor to what I suppose he'd call it's literal albeit extreme conclusion. Green's taking the ridiculousness of the Friday the 13ths et cetera, all the rules that Randy lays out in Scream, and multiplying them by insanity. I don't take shit seriously, if at all possible! I get that the Hatchet films are meant to be Eighties Slashers Squared. I'd like to think that I've proven myself over the years as someone who not only gets the joke, but loves the joke, revels in the joke. And if you have heard the phrase " hatchet wound" or " gash" used as a euphemism for lady-parts then I think you can guess where this movie goes from there. And then she sees finally notices the situation she's in and she crawls away, ass in the air. So of course it takes her awhile to notice her beau hasn't got a head anymore, because women, ya know! Always wrapped up in their petty dramas, like wanting to be loved and not just be a vagina. And then of course our big bad Victor Crowley shows up while they're doing this and decapitates AJ Bowen, whose now headless body goes into a convulsing fit that Avery takes to be a newly vigorous fucking. You know, to round out her character.Īnd then - spoiler alert - she's taking off her top and AJ Bowen's fucking her doggy-style while she nags at him to say "I love you." Naturally AJ doesn't wanna say "I love you" cuz guys don't say that, especially to nagging bitches they're currently fucking. There's a throwaway bit about her being a good shot. The other is Avery (played by Alexis Peters - she's Joe Mantegna's niece!) and she hangs around the boys for a bit, lusting after AJ Bowen (fine so far, I've lusted after AJ Bowen's beard ever since The House of the Devil). I expect the final girl who barely survived the first film to be out of it, that's the m.o. Which well she maybe could've turned it down a notch but was fine. She gets to be crazy and tough (emphasis on crazy) and is constantly shrieking and/or sobbing. (That's not counting the several girls that randomly show up for a second or two to show their boobs and/or hairless lady-patches.) One is our obvious final girl, longtime horror star Danielle Harris (she's Michael's niece in Halloween 4 and 5). ![]() ![]() There are two female characters in this film. ![]() And in a movie that's supposed to be a big goofy good-time that spells deadly for me. Even if they're just the film-maker sticking his pinkie to his lip and grinning about how gosh-darn subversive they're being, sometimes it just seems nasty and mean-spirited. But there are places of bad taste that I just derive no seedy pleasure from seeing played out. This sloppy, brainless gore-fest doesn't deserve that much credit (and please do keep in mind that coming from me "sloppy brainless gore-fest" is not in itself an insult). I can watch A Texas Chain Saw Massacre with my breakfast I watched Salo and wondered what all the fuss was about.ĭon't get me wrong here - in no shape way or form am I saying that I found Adam Green's Hatchet II to be a more effectively horrific film than either of those masterpieces. It's not often that a horror movie that's having a blast being over-the-top and ridiculous makes me feel like a party-pooping geriatric ninny, but even I have buttons that I prefer unpushed - yes, there are places that make this stalwart flinch. I don't really know how to write about Hatchet II.
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